http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPLom6s2OtY
Old Crow Medicine Show has a dry run at liquor, hard times, drugs, sex , & alcohol. It isn't your everyday solitude throwback to bluegrass, but they have wrangled dalliances with the Great Emmy Lou Harris in this song We are All in This Thing Together. It has been sung before, by Norah Jones, Benjamin Lee, Carole King. While the page on Ben Lees states "Lyrics by Ben Lee" I find that hard to believe, as Carole sang it 4 years before he was a twinkle in his daddy's eye. She [Ms. King] defers to David Palmer on the lyrics, however I wasn't able to substantiate it.
Getting on with the review, OCMS as they like to shorten it (honestly who wouldn't?) , does a very mournful view on the take that I love, I do wish that some of the symmetry of the two singers Secor & one I couldn't identify outright, I should know them all by know by the overplayment on my car CD player. However we have a shock, a ripple, stemming from Sept-Now with now update. I know there has been some worry about whether or not to let Critter Fuqua return to the band and maybe this is causing a stir. Shortly after a small article "Catching up .......with Old Crow Medicine Show" Secor hinted that he's been playing with Fuqua since he was a kid and presumed that he would till he was an old man. He did say that he couldn't make Fuqua do anything he didn't want to. There has been a change of producers, it looks like a huge restructuring within OCMS. While they are hot as heck fire, I worry that one of the 3 outcomes are about to come about. 1) they stay the same and are just take a break with family for the holidays (crossing fingers) 2) Secor splits from the band and recreates a new one including Fuqua perhaps the two alone 3) one or two of the current members splits and new perhaps female vocalist enters the ring. As soon as it the article was printed the plug was pulled. It deserves closer link and look http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2008/09/catching-up-with-old-crow-medicine-show.html
I truly hope that they aren't done with their quirky folksy ways, and I would call them closer to Bob Dylan and Ar lo Guthie meets Louisiana than Bluegrass, but I will say this about them they have cajones and are incredibly passionate about their music and their writing and collaborations. I treasure their music as it is fun, flirty, romantic, and guttural.
Now, onto the Blue Cheese of the Day.
Urban Stack http://urbanstack.com/ My husband had the Chicago Burger that was laced on top with what looked like homemade bologna, pepperocini's,celery mayo,mustard, celery tomato, cherry pepper relish. He ordered it with a side of home fries. His only comment is that it did not come close to a true Chicago Burger but that it was a nice second. Being from Chicago this meant it got some notice, but no closer to his old stomping grounds.
The Asian Q I specified it to be pink. When it came out it wasn't pink but over cooked. the sides were slightly tarnished. I should state that this burger is basted with a BBQ sauce that is in my opinion laced with Marin as a base, filled with a slight tomato sauce then Chinese 5 spice blend. The Wagyu Beef Kobe style, wasabi savoy slaw homemade cucumber kimchee, and hand rub of 5 pepper. I sent it back after carving it open to see it overdone, my guess, was that it being med rare it was lofted to the warmer instead of being sent out or my husbands burger being fully cooked started first. The second one was a delight. I had a serving of potato salad that was a huge disappointment, it was all mayo, mustard, celery salt, egg & potatoes. They had no color or garnishment. It was almost cafeteria style in presentation. Next I had as a side Black eyed Peas & Cucumber while it was refreshing after the lump of potato salad, they were all earthiness and bland, where was the kick and the love that could have gone into this dish? I do not know, but I will return to try more because regardless of the issues their staff is amazing and the manager quick to handle any incidental problems that may arise.
Happy Trails too you until I blog again!
Oct 26, 2011
Oct 9, 2011
The Case of Chris Stapleton of the Steeldrivers?
When I went to the IBMA's I was excited to see the Steeldrivers on the docket to play because of the male vocalist Chris Stapleton is such a huge vocal. It's so rare to find something like him in Bluegrass. I was excited until they took the stage and I ran back to my husband and immediatly said: Something is wrong, he's not there.
I couldn't understand why a huge product would be removed from the squad, after all, this would be like taking the Turkey out of Thanksgiving and replacing it with Tofu.He is undeniably amazing he has a voice and skill that is naturally present. Bill Monroe had it, and to up and have it disapparate, well was kinda like the question of who killed Bill's brother Lester.
I found out after some youtube.com digging. When questioning the band I was told he wanted to settle down and he'd had enough money and he had kids in Texas he wanted to be more near. Which I can get behind but it seemed fishy.
The Case of Chris Stapleton is that he has broken of like the Thile and other greats to do other things you can catch his new project; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEjgsMKYOUo and see for yourself what you may be missing. While it is definitivly no longer bluegrass and closer to the old school rock, Stapleton's voice could shrug on any skin of music and pull it off with grace is this writers belief and make it his own. His voice is so unique that it is a Hallmark voice like that of Holiday, Gray, Gillespy, Allman, etc. He'll prove to many that he's a contender in the ring. Gloves are off gentlemen.....Are you ready for the Jompson Brothers?
I couldn't understand why a huge product would be removed from the squad, after all, this would be like taking the Turkey out of Thanksgiving and replacing it with Tofu.He is undeniably amazing he has a voice and skill that is naturally present. Bill Monroe had it, and to up and have it disapparate, well was kinda like the question of who killed Bill's brother Lester.
I found out after some youtube.com digging. When questioning the band I was told he wanted to settle down and he'd had enough money and he had kids in Texas he wanted to be more near. Which I can get behind but it seemed fishy.
The Case of Chris Stapleton is that he has broken of like the Thile and other greats to do other things you can catch his new project; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEjgsMKYOUo and see for yourself what you may be missing. While it is definitivly no longer bluegrass and closer to the old school rock, Stapleton's voice could shrug on any skin of music and pull it off with grace is this writers belief and make it his own. His voice is so unique that it is a Hallmark voice like that of Holiday, Gray, Gillespy, Allman, etc. He'll prove to many that he's a contender in the ring. Gloves are off gentlemen.....Are you ready for the Jompson Brothers?
Oct 8, 2011
IBMA 2011
I was initially wed around the time of the IBMA (International Bluegrass Music Awards) with my dads approach that "no one would come unless it was for multiple reasons." So, this year on our 4th anniversary, my husband and I went to Nashville, TN to participate in the 100th year Birthday of Bill Monroe (God Rest His Soul). What surprised me was the people who weren't there that I really felt should have been.
Ricky Skaggs for one should have been there. When Bill died, Ricky was at his bedside, and by default, a large part of the bluegrass was shouldered onto him. Ricky only sent a memo to be read, and I was dissappointed in his lack of committment to the craft he so willingly took up. Neither were the Whites.One of whom Ricky is married too. In the past few years Ricky has been becoming increasing recluse to the IBMA's unless it is the awards. Disapointing as it is the Fans at fanfest that actually carry on the tradtion of Ricky and his life. I feel that he may have had something going on personally with him or his band, but on top of this his music has been lagging as of late as well. He looks unhealthy as well. I think we may be losing him soon too if there isn't a change in him soon too.
There was an Homage to Gary Allan, one that was well deserved, and tearful.His family was in attendance and his music and likeness over the years was played. Most tenderful, though I thought was the Gary Allen Band, with his wife who sang back up. 1/2 through it she started to cry. You could feel the emotion. Last year, Gary had been able to be at the IBMA's, but his heart gave out in March of this year and God took him home.
I got to meet Audie Blaylock and all of Redline. They did have a fill in for the mandolinist but he was like a bottle rocket ready to go off, he just couldn't set still while playing. Jason Grisholm (?) was his name, and he was amazing. Audie himself was the most charming and sweet charismatic person. Could not ask for a better person to really promote bluegrass. Patrick and Russ also were equally fun and interesting. (I crushed on Russ to be honest-banjo) I was so thrilled that I got the whole band's autographs and got to speak with them. Wonderful group of men.
My husband was bored I think, but he perked up when the Steeldrivers came on after an amazing perfomance by Alison Krauss & Union Station featuring Jerry Douglas. Now, if you don't know them; you really should take the time on both bands. AKUS has Alison Krauss, Dan Tyminski, Barry Bales, & Ron Block. Sometimes Jerry Douglass on flattop when he shows. The other interesting thing is Dan Tyminski produced Alisons first album before she was AKUS with these guys. She still was a stand out of the crowd player and singer. I've always wondered how they all met up. Dan is a Joker, Alison can be silly and playful yet shy, Barry is an avid hunter, and then Ron Block who is a philosopher. The people behind the instruments are almost as interesting as when they play together. They recieved one standing ovation at the Fanfest, well deserved. Alison sang Down to the River to Pray from Oh Brother where Art Thou. I had the delight to meet Ron Block (www.RonBlock.com) who truly has so much to say but says so little. He intrigues me. I found him hiding behind the band's insturments in the corner of the lobby like a bum with his apple computer dodging groupies like me. As I've been following them for almost 20 years, I couldn't walk away. I got the man's autograph. Mission Impossible for me! Yay. I can check seeing them live off my bucket list. I hope to see them again, because it was a circular moment for me.
Steeldrivers just had a new Male Vocalist change up. Chris Case has left the band to stay behind in Austin TX to be with his family. While the new guy is doing his best to fill in shoes and do imitations, it is reflecting in his vocals. He's straining to keep up the natural grit that Hall had naturally. I was disapointed to have missed seeing Hall perform. The new Steeldrivers CD is fantastic. It is worth the buy or listen if you have never heard either. To give a listen go to www.steeldrivers.net to get an intro to who is who, because you will not tire of a new way of music. Having a soulful sound of the Alman Brothers mixed with backwoods desire and talented musicianship on mandolin, violin, banjo, & guitar these 4 can rip it up or tear it down. Do not get me wrong, the new guy Gary, is amazing. He also brings a sex appeal to the band too. He is young, dark and handsome, so there will be the rush to see him as well as Tammy. The M & M's (Mike Henderson & Mike Fleming) leave a lot to be desired in talking with them. It may just be that they were tired of the day, who wouldn't be after their performance. I did like the banjo player Richard Bailey, who was genuine and unassuming. I hope to see each of them do well again on their next promotional CD and perhaps they will come to Chattanooga for Riverbend or the 3 Sisters Bluegrass show.
The Cleverlys were the last band on Saturday night that was a hit. They are coming out with a website and a CD but currently you can see their performances on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-x88h7xAv8 This song is called I want to be a billionaire, and honey, doesn't it reflect how we all feel in this economy? They have a fun way of getting the crowd going and had 3 standing ovations at the end of the night....making the IBMA's "grass out" till almost 2. Who says us "blue" hairs can't handle the fun?
Last but not least, comes the food. We ate at Jacks BBQ on 6th street. By 10 pm it was still swamped with customers and the Beef brisket was out, but the smoke and char wasn't. I'll say this for them, they have a perfect delivery system. I would say that their shining star is the meats, not the sides. They have excellent sauces, even a white bbq sauce which was a first for me. Soul food for me in the south has met me a northerner with mixed bag emotions. I find that a lot of the time it is over cooked. I find this to be the case with Jacks sides. Collard greens might has well been made a smoothie, the corn from a can, the mac and cheese; The noodles were so overdone that they were paste... but the meat, was happiness. While many celebrities grace thier walls, I pray they came only for the meat. Jacks gets 2 stars **
Ricky Skaggs for one should have been there. When Bill died, Ricky was at his bedside, and by default, a large part of the bluegrass was shouldered onto him. Ricky only sent a memo to be read, and I was dissappointed in his lack of committment to the craft he so willingly took up. Neither were the Whites.One of whom Ricky is married too. In the past few years Ricky has been becoming increasing recluse to the IBMA's unless it is the awards. Disapointing as it is the Fans at fanfest that actually carry on the tradtion of Ricky and his life. I feel that he may have had something going on personally with him or his band, but on top of this his music has been lagging as of late as well. He looks unhealthy as well. I think we may be losing him soon too if there isn't a change in him soon too.
There was an Homage to Gary Allan, one that was well deserved, and tearful.His family was in attendance and his music and likeness over the years was played. Most tenderful, though I thought was the Gary Allen Band, with his wife who sang back up. 1/2 through it she started to cry. You could feel the emotion. Last year, Gary had been able to be at the IBMA's, but his heart gave out in March of this year and God took him home.
I got to meet Audie Blaylock and all of Redline. They did have a fill in for the mandolinist but he was like a bottle rocket ready to go off, he just couldn't set still while playing. Jason Grisholm (?) was his name, and he was amazing. Audie himself was the most charming and sweet charismatic person. Could not ask for a better person to really promote bluegrass. Patrick and Russ also were equally fun and interesting. (I crushed on Russ to be honest-banjo) I was so thrilled that I got the whole band's autographs and got to speak with them. Wonderful group of men.
My husband was bored I think, but he perked up when the Steeldrivers came on after an amazing perfomance by Alison Krauss & Union Station featuring Jerry Douglas. Now, if you don't know them; you really should take the time on both bands. AKUS has Alison Krauss, Dan Tyminski, Barry Bales, & Ron Block. Sometimes Jerry Douglass on flattop when he shows. The other interesting thing is Dan Tyminski produced Alisons first album before she was AKUS with these guys. She still was a stand out of the crowd player and singer. I've always wondered how they all met up. Dan is a Joker, Alison can be silly and playful yet shy, Barry is an avid hunter, and then Ron Block who is a philosopher. The people behind the instruments are almost as interesting as when they play together. They recieved one standing ovation at the Fanfest, well deserved. Alison sang Down to the River to Pray from Oh Brother where Art Thou. I had the delight to meet Ron Block (www.RonBlock.com) who truly has so much to say but says so little. He intrigues me. I found him hiding behind the band's insturments in the corner of the lobby like a bum with his apple computer dodging groupies like me. As I've been following them for almost 20 years, I couldn't walk away. I got the man's autograph. Mission Impossible for me! Yay. I can check seeing them live off my bucket list. I hope to see them again, because it was a circular moment for me.
Steeldrivers just had a new Male Vocalist change up. Chris Case has left the band to stay behind in Austin TX to be with his family. While the new guy is doing his best to fill in shoes and do imitations, it is reflecting in his vocals. He's straining to keep up the natural grit that Hall had naturally. I was disapointed to have missed seeing Hall perform. The new Steeldrivers CD is fantastic. It is worth the buy or listen if you have never heard either. To give a listen go to www.steeldrivers.net to get an intro to who is who, because you will not tire of a new way of music. Having a soulful sound of the Alman Brothers mixed with backwoods desire and talented musicianship on mandolin, violin, banjo, & guitar these 4 can rip it up or tear it down. Do not get me wrong, the new guy Gary, is amazing. He also brings a sex appeal to the band too. He is young, dark and handsome, so there will be the rush to see him as well as Tammy. The M & M's (Mike Henderson & Mike Fleming) leave a lot to be desired in talking with them. It may just be that they were tired of the day, who wouldn't be after their performance. I did like the banjo player Richard Bailey, who was genuine and unassuming. I hope to see each of them do well again on their next promotional CD and perhaps they will come to Chattanooga for Riverbend or the 3 Sisters Bluegrass show.
The Cleverlys were the last band on Saturday night that was a hit. They are coming out with a website and a CD but currently you can see their performances on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-x88h7xAv8 This song is called I want to be a billionaire, and honey, doesn't it reflect how we all feel in this economy? They have a fun way of getting the crowd going and had 3 standing ovations at the end of the night....making the IBMA's "grass out" till almost 2. Who says us "blue" hairs can't handle the fun?
Last but not least, comes the food. We ate at Jacks BBQ on 6th street. By 10 pm it was still swamped with customers and the Beef brisket was out, but the smoke and char wasn't. I'll say this for them, they have a perfect delivery system. I would say that their shining star is the meats, not the sides. They have excellent sauces, even a white bbq sauce which was a first for me. Soul food for me in the south has met me a northerner with mixed bag emotions. I find that a lot of the time it is over cooked. I find this to be the case with Jacks sides. Collard greens might has well been made a smoothie, the corn from a can, the mac and cheese; The noodles were so overdone that they were paste... but the meat, was happiness. While many celebrities grace thier walls, I pray they came only for the meat. Jacks gets 2 stars **
Sep 13, 2010
Why Hollywood always takes Center Stage
The job of the entertainment industry is one built on the ablility to camophlage the reality of life. How much of this is forced on a daily American is without debate. We are losing more of daily life in my opinion to the text, the tweet, myspace, blogs, vlogs, instant message, the advertisement, the product placement, the magizine with nothing to say but ads, and of course; television.
Yesterday was a rememberance of 9-11. To me I remember very clearly the literal sound of the world as the planes were removed from the skies. I was living in Phoenix, AZ. I remember sitting and praying that the buildings would be safely evacuated, not knowing how it would turn out. I sobbed as the plane was shown slamming into tower North, then South, then the Pentagon, then the Shanksville. I am absolutly mortified that as we tend to go on with our daily grind that we are forgetting the enormity already some 9 years later. 911011 should be, in my opinion a patriot day, similar to Memorial Day, Veterans Day. Instead, top billing went to the VMA's. I'm absolutly disgusted that the form of Lady Gaga wearing meat is more important than our caring about what happens at Ground Zero's rebuilding. I'm Horrified that yet again, Kanye and Swift are bigger topics than caring for the families and friends of those that died that day. Terrorism has struck us here in the USA. To ignore it and continue with day to day life strikes at our normalacy. I think going back to being blind to the daily barrage of what can happen but won't due to us being "America The Great" shows how blind we CHOOSE to be. I don't want to be blind to our national spotlight. I also do not believe that as a nation we should intensly be helping out other countries. I'm Irish American & Norwiegan American, but you do not see me funding the IRA or the Northern Alliance. I don't send my hard earned funds to support the families of those in Ireland who have fallen prey to such groups of destruction. While I find it entirely vulgar that there are still groups like the KKK, The Black Panthers, Neo Nazi, and Genocide happening in the poorer parts of the world I do not feel responsible to stop it's actions. I feel that that should be put to use in our own area of the world, protecting my rights, my beliefs, my lands, vs shelling out education in other lands so that they won't fall prey to men with guns who terrorise their own brothers. It is an entirely novel idea that when we see the market crashing, when we see people losing thier homes, when we see poverty, crime, and hunger rising here within the United States that we should export the one thing that could help our citizens in the name of humanitarian effort. I guess I'm entirely self centered for feeling this way. I know my sibling doesn't agree with this line of thought. My siblings dealing in the business of assisting other nations, I'm proud of, she takes off where I couldn't. I am daily greatful that there is another side of opinion that isn't mine. That is the way of true greatness, to understand that opposing views aren't wrong, just not for us specifically. It is within this liberty of understanding that you must live in to show that our ideals are worth fighting in Iraq, Afganistan, and others. I support my troops, my community, and my sibling in the efforts that are external to our homeland. I just worry that by being fully focused on an effort so intense that the rest of the world seems to be holding up just fine in comparison instead of being an epitome of greatness. It's just a vein of opinion to me.
So hollywood took to it's stage, we gawked at Lady Gaga, Cher, Kanye and Taylor. Meanwhile I wondered privatly how my brother in law was missing his best friend and what the whole hoopla that was being spun around him, made him hurt worse over his loss or if it did end up being the emotional balm that he needed. The show must go on they say. We live to fight another day.
"To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!"
-Hamlet written by Sir William Shakespeare
Yesterday was a rememberance of 9-11. To me I remember very clearly the literal sound of the world as the planes were removed from the skies. I was living in Phoenix, AZ. I remember sitting and praying that the buildings would be safely evacuated, not knowing how it would turn out. I sobbed as the plane was shown slamming into tower North, then South, then the Pentagon, then the Shanksville. I am absolutly mortified that as we tend to go on with our daily grind that we are forgetting the enormity already some 9 years later. 911011 should be, in my opinion a patriot day, similar to Memorial Day, Veterans Day. Instead, top billing went to the VMA's. I'm absolutly disgusted that the form of Lady Gaga wearing meat is more important than our caring about what happens at Ground Zero's rebuilding. I'm Horrified that yet again, Kanye and Swift are bigger topics than caring for the families and friends of those that died that day. Terrorism has struck us here in the USA. To ignore it and continue with day to day life strikes at our normalacy. I think going back to being blind to the daily barrage of what can happen but won't due to us being "America The Great" shows how blind we CHOOSE to be. I don't want to be blind to our national spotlight. I also do not believe that as a nation we should intensly be helping out other countries. I'm Irish American & Norwiegan American, but you do not see me funding the IRA or the Northern Alliance. I don't send my hard earned funds to support the families of those in Ireland who have fallen prey to such groups of destruction. While I find it entirely vulgar that there are still groups like the KKK, The Black Panthers, Neo Nazi, and Genocide happening in the poorer parts of the world I do not feel responsible to stop it's actions. I feel that that should be put to use in our own area of the world, protecting my rights, my beliefs, my lands, vs shelling out education in other lands so that they won't fall prey to men with guns who terrorise their own brothers. It is an entirely novel idea that when we see the market crashing, when we see people losing thier homes, when we see poverty, crime, and hunger rising here within the United States that we should export the one thing that could help our citizens in the name of humanitarian effort. I guess I'm entirely self centered for feeling this way. I know my sibling doesn't agree with this line of thought. My siblings dealing in the business of assisting other nations, I'm proud of, she takes off where I couldn't. I am daily greatful that there is another side of opinion that isn't mine. That is the way of true greatness, to understand that opposing views aren't wrong, just not for us specifically. It is within this liberty of understanding that you must live in to show that our ideals are worth fighting in Iraq, Afganistan, and others. I support my troops, my community, and my sibling in the efforts that are external to our homeland. I just worry that by being fully focused on an effort so intense that the rest of the world seems to be holding up just fine in comparison instead of being an epitome of greatness. It's just a vein of opinion to me.
So hollywood took to it's stage, we gawked at Lady Gaga, Cher, Kanye and Taylor. Meanwhile I wondered privatly how my brother in law was missing his best friend and what the whole hoopla that was being spun around him, made him hurt worse over his loss or if it did end up being the emotional balm that he needed. The show must go on they say. We live to fight another day.
"To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!"
-Hamlet written by Sir William Shakespeare
Mar 17, 2010
The Review of Assassination Vacation
Listen, I'm a barnes and noble, Amazon, Walden Books, Books-a-Million nut. Years and Years of christmas] past and I've begged for 2 things. Socks and Gift cards to book stores. My friends comment on how they won't go with me because I have my mail forwarded when going.I t's not even just the read, but the challange, the adventure, the little gray cells, and the opportunity to tap into another mind. Each time we crack a book, each time we scribe a note, it's a representation of soul.
My newest read; which I'm taking to bed like an unlearned lover~is Assassination Vacation. Now, I could have rushed the virgin read written by Sarah Vowell. I could have! It is the first paper back book I've bought in years. It felt hardly worthy of my pliant hands. However, there was no hardbound version available, and I was in a spendthrift mood with a two thumbs up from a learned scholar pushing me into it's purchase. I caved. I'm glad. Sarah, I'm really glad. You're a nut job and I can't help but love your zest for history! You make it literally come alive.
Assassination Vacation follows the historical markers of the Nation's Presidential Slain. Beginning with Lincoln, followed by Garfield, and McKinley. I am curious on why she stopped at not reviewing the Kennedy case, but either she didn't have the funds to do it or felt that it was too overdone...no twist in the history. I have to say that I'm profoundly at odds with some of the information she scribes about. Being as the first 1/3 of the book is based on the Death of Lincoln we wind through the country to where his skull fragments were kept, to the Jail of Dr. Sam Mudd ("your name is Mudd) in Dry Tortugas, or Edwin Booth, (John Wilkes Brother) & the many homes of President Lincoln post mortem. Did you know he'd been body snatched? Yes, our president on our fiver was bodysnatched! Or that there is an old saying about there being a Booth that saved & killed a Lincoln. The way her mind reworks the old puzzle is facinating.
The last time I'd been this interested in something was when I read "The Blood Countess" by Andrei Codrescu. I'd never heard of Elisabet of Bathory. I think the brink of Historical Revival is soon to be reborn in America. We now have on Showtime "The Tudors", people are starting to do the retro revisitation even of Route 66 and Gettysburg again.
I live in the South, and while I had always had such a distaste for what it stood for as a sympathetic northerner. In itself I was meshed into my psyche that the south was horrible, as much so it was for those growing in the South to have distaste for the North robbing them of a livelyhood and rich culture. The Hatfields and McCoys still exist here. Not a day ebbs that I don't find myself stunned either way on life here. It's like moving to France for me. I don't speak the language,( although I'm working on an affect accent to persuade them that I am from here when it becomes obvious that it is socially necessary.) I don't speak the dialect that they have understood for years. I'm outside of thier comfort zone.
Assassination Vacation may be out of your comfort zone too, but if lost for hours in an Airport, put down the People Magazine and spend the money on this book. It's by far more amazing than the life of Jennifer Aniston.
I pen my adieu from the corner of crass and stupidity.
My newest read; which I'm taking to bed like an unlearned lover~is Assassination Vacation. Now, I could have rushed the virgin read written by Sarah Vowell. I could have! It is the first paper back book I've bought in years. It felt hardly worthy of my pliant hands. However, there was no hardbound version available, and I was in a spendthrift mood with a two thumbs up from a learned scholar pushing me into it's purchase. I caved. I'm glad. Sarah, I'm really glad. You're a nut job and I can't help but love your zest for history! You make it literally come alive.
Assassination Vacation follows the historical markers of the Nation's Presidential Slain. Beginning with Lincoln, followed by Garfield, and McKinley. I am curious on why she stopped at not reviewing the Kennedy case, but either she didn't have the funds to do it or felt that it was too overdone...no twist in the history. I have to say that I'm profoundly at odds with some of the information she scribes about. Being as the first 1/3 of the book is based on the Death of Lincoln we wind through the country to where his skull fragments were kept, to the Jail of Dr. Sam Mudd ("your name is Mudd) in Dry Tortugas, or Edwin Booth, (John Wilkes Brother) & the many homes of President Lincoln post mortem. Did you know he'd been body snatched? Yes, our president on our fiver was bodysnatched! Or that there is an old saying about there being a Booth that saved & killed a Lincoln. The way her mind reworks the old puzzle is facinating.
The last time I'd been this interested in something was when I read "The Blood Countess" by Andrei Codrescu. I'd never heard of Elisabet of Bathory. I think the brink of Historical Revival is soon to be reborn in America. We now have on Showtime "The Tudors", people are starting to do the retro revisitation even of Route 66 and Gettysburg again.
I live in the South, and while I had always had such a distaste for what it stood for as a sympathetic northerner. In itself I was meshed into my psyche that the south was horrible, as much so it was for those growing in the South to have distaste for the North robbing them of a livelyhood and rich culture. The Hatfields and McCoys still exist here. Not a day ebbs that I don't find myself stunned either way on life here. It's like moving to France for me. I don't speak the language,( although I'm working on an affect accent to persuade them that I am from here when it becomes obvious that it is socially necessary.) I don't speak the dialect that they have understood for years. I'm outside of thier comfort zone.
Assassination Vacation may be out of your comfort zone too, but if lost for hours in an Airport, put down the People Magazine and spend the money on this book. It's by far more amazing than the life of Jennifer Aniston.
I pen my adieu from the corner of crass and stupidity.
Jan 29, 2010
Embarrassed that I'm not one of them.
It's been so crazy media wise lately. Do they honestly believe that as americans we believe them whether the statements are spliced, mis-spoke, etc that it even matters? While it feeds those in media and puts food on thier media families...the rest of us aren't employed by media. To us it's like George McGovern how he felt prior to the world food ... See Moreprogram being created. He once told a story (true) about prior to school lunches being a daily thing, that they would allow those in schools that could afford to eat there sit down, while the others who couuldn't afford the school lunch were lined up along a wall to watch those that were eating. McGovern asked one of these children if seeing the others made him mad. the child looked surprised and then stated, "No, I feel embarrassed that I can't be one of them". Mc Govern said that "you shouldn't be ashamed, as your Senator, I should be ashamed."History repeats...and they should stop squabling and be humbled by the national suffering, instead they line us up and eat.
Jan 19, 2010
TARD and other issues
Welcoming in 2010 I really wish it was 1995 again. I can't believe how Wall Street Millionaires have taken America to a new low. It should be considered a traitorous to knowingly bankrupt a country in this fashion. Not only should Bernie Madoff be put to sleep, so should every other person that has contributed to our country's financial demise.
You know in China we all heard about the guy being beheaded by Military due to him putting lead into toys. The reason wasn't now ,I believe, due to him putting lead into toys it was the embarrassment and loss of income to the Nation that was cause for him being put to death. While we as a nation looked on in stunned surprise at the reaction by China, thinking them over reactive; consider that we as Americans have become more wary of buying toys from China. We have started buying our children wooden toys made by hand or in America. We specifically check for poisonous toxins in our childrens toys. Essentially we have made a nation prosperous by contract in the import/export business. It has now effectively been heavily damaged. Imagine how much that money was that China was making in a whole on this. Billions. We owe other nationalities trillions in US Dollars. Taxes show it. Our Wall Street Dow & Nasdaq reflect this as well.
I watched 60 minutes the other day where a Savant had picked up on what was happening as early as 2004. I really would have loved that he would have picked up his pen in 2004 instead of making a mint and alerting the public. I mean for god's sake! I can tell in less than 3 seconds whether or not Brittney Spears is shopping at Target, but can't find out if we're going to have a recession again!
Gods Undershirts! No wonder we're in such a mess.
You know in China we all heard about the guy being beheaded by Military due to him putting lead into toys. The reason wasn't now ,I believe, due to him putting lead into toys it was the embarrassment and loss of income to the Nation that was cause for him being put to death. While we as a nation looked on in stunned surprise at the reaction by China, thinking them over reactive; consider that we as Americans have become more wary of buying toys from China. We have started buying our children wooden toys made by hand or in America. We specifically check for poisonous toxins in our childrens toys. Essentially we have made a nation prosperous by contract in the import/export business. It has now effectively been heavily damaged. Imagine how much that money was that China was making in a whole on this. Billions. We owe other nationalities trillions in US Dollars. Taxes show it. Our Wall Street Dow & Nasdaq reflect this as well.
I watched 60 minutes the other day where a Savant had picked up on what was happening as early as 2004. I really would have loved that he would have picked up his pen in 2004 instead of making a mint and alerting the public. I mean for god's sake! I can tell in less than 3 seconds whether or not Brittney Spears is shopping at Target, but can't find out if we're going to have a recession again!
Gods Undershirts! No wonder we're in such a mess.
Jan 18, 2010
let them eat cake
Could be the shotgun chorus of a cake tasting festival or it could be one dying woman's last scream that the crowd who'd kill her could eat shit....conundrum...If I were dying I'd believe it to be the latter, wouldn't you?
Today I watched Inglorious Basterds. You know the flick that Brad Pitt was in that he didn't get sucker punched in the face? [Sidenote here-Truly he's really taken a way of becoming Marlon Brando; don'tcha think? He's getting chunky in the face, he's "married" now to a tribe gathering nympho, you remember the history of Brando and his Tahitian Beauty right...similarities. George Clooney by default would be our Rock Hudson. "Confirmed Bachelor" ...nuff said. I digress.] Anywho, this film that doesn't really strike you as anything preview wise but "killin' nazzzi's". Let me inform you it quickly let's loose with a very tense prelude to murderous rage. Afterwards, I sat stunned at the only thought I could think of had I ever met Tarantino : "God. You're family history must be severely dysfunctional. You crossed a line of darkness most people wouldn't feel comfortable in and made it your home." If you hadn't seen the film yet. Prepare yourself. It's, well; different.
Tonight is also the Golden Globes. Honestly this need to award films, I don't understand. They already get a paycheck. They do their best interpretation of a character as it's their job. Speaking as an ex retail employee I can say that if I were to ever recieve an award for "Best Cashiering during a Winter Sale" I would hope you would allow me my true feelings be exposed. "Um yes, well I can't say enough about the people I work with.....I couldn't have scanned quick without the support of the pricing staff-I love you, you're amazing! I'd also like to thank the people at Initech; while you don't seem to be gainfully employed, My company still uses your outdated software, so you should be recieving your royalty check within the coming year! To my wonderful husband who doesn't clean up after himself and contributes to my wry and sometimes caustic attitude: Please Pick up your bottlecaps Bert, I'll be home by 11!" Reader, I really hope that captured my disdain for the the award programming of films. If it didn't, well then I'm not nearly droll enough.
On to other things. Nine. You know this new musical that's out and about? Well, no, I've not seen it but I'm thinking upon it. Wasn't Penelope Cruz the girl that Tom Cruise dated after Nicole Kidman? She is also co-starring with her in Nine. I mean they all say they get along, but would you? I do not care how many babies I'd had with new husbands I'd STILL want to rip hair out of a woman that may have been the reason for divorce. [Entry from wikipedia on Penelope Cruz: After appearing in Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise, they had a three-year relationship which ended in January 2004. ] Seriously I'd be yanking that weave the hell out of her spanish head. So tonight on the Golden Globes as I waited for a rerun of :How I Met Your Mother to return off of break, I was actually interested in how Ryan Seacrest brought up! "How did all of you get along?" Her response: "Wonderful. I was able to work with an amazing group of talented women. I was so excited to be a part of it". Translation- I did my lines and we didn't swap recipe's. Thankfully there was no drama on account that the scenes shot with Kidman were done in Green Screen."
So today as I blog from the corner of crass and stupidity... I commend myself! I think I have really earned the title of my blog best today: Let them all Eat Cake from the Corner of Crass and Stupidity...SEACREST OUT! (hahaha)
Today I watched Inglorious Basterds. You know the flick that Brad Pitt was in that he didn't get sucker punched in the face? [Sidenote here-Truly he's really taken a way of becoming Marlon Brando; don'tcha think? He's getting chunky in the face, he's "married" now to a tribe gathering nympho, you remember the history of Brando and his Tahitian Beauty right...similarities. George Clooney by default would be our Rock Hudson. "Confirmed Bachelor" ...nuff said. I digress.] Anywho, this film that doesn't really strike you as anything preview wise but "killin' nazzzi's". Let me inform you it quickly let's loose with a very tense prelude to murderous rage. Afterwards, I sat stunned at the only thought I could think of had I ever met Tarantino : "God. You're family history must be severely dysfunctional. You crossed a line of darkness most people wouldn't feel comfortable in and made it your home." If you hadn't seen the film yet. Prepare yourself. It's, well; different.
Tonight is also the Golden Globes. Honestly this need to award films, I don't understand. They already get a paycheck. They do their best interpretation of a character as it's their job. Speaking as an ex retail employee I can say that if I were to ever recieve an award for "Best Cashiering during a Winter Sale" I would hope you would allow me my true feelings be exposed. "Um yes, well I can't say enough about the people I work with.....I couldn't have scanned quick without the support of the pricing staff-I love you, you're amazing! I'd also like to thank the people at Initech; while you don't seem to be gainfully employed, My company still uses your outdated software, so you should be recieving your royalty check within the coming year! To my wonderful husband who doesn't clean up after himself and contributes to my wry and sometimes caustic attitude: Please Pick up your bottlecaps Bert, I'll be home by 11!" Reader, I really hope that captured my disdain for the the award programming of films. If it didn't, well then I'm not nearly droll enough.
On to other things. Nine. You know this new musical that's out and about? Well, no, I've not seen it but I'm thinking upon it. Wasn't Penelope Cruz the girl that Tom Cruise dated after Nicole Kidman? She is also co-starring with her in Nine. I mean they all say they get along, but would you? I do not care how many babies I'd had with new husbands I'd STILL want to rip hair out of a woman that may have been the reason for divorce. [Entry from wikipedia on Penelope Cruz: After appearing in Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise, they had a three-year relationship which ended in January 2004. ] Seriously I'd be yanking that weave the hell out of her spanish head. So tonight on the Golden Globes as I waited for a rerun of :How I Met Your Mother to return off of break, I was actually interested in how Ryan Seacrest brought up! "How did all of you get along?" Her response: "Wonderful. I was able to work with an amazing group of talented women. I was so excited to be a part of it". Translation- I did my lines and we didn't swap recipe's. Thankfully there was no drama on account that the scenes shot with Kidman were done in Green Screen."
So today as I blog from the corner of crass and stupidity... I commend myself! I think I have really earned the title of my blog best today: Let them all Eat Cake from the Corner of Crass and Stupidity...SEACREST OUT! (hahaha)
Jan 7, 2010
I do not know the freakin muffin man!
At least not the one on Drury lane! I really wish that this gift of a fire engine didn't make me want to eat a package of snowballs....the stress of it's sound makes me want to go nuts on it. Not due to the fact that it is loud (which it is) and that it's annoying (also a plus for a christmas gift to another family) but that it has absolutely nothing to do with a thier choice of songs they preloaded into this toy- why on god's green earth did the makers of this fire engine decide both Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The Muffin Man made sense? It's a chinese kung fu riddle! Anyone else know what that link would be?
sigh...so it's snowing here it's 18 degrees. My toes have stopped circulating blood and my son doesn't want to nap today. I would literally be thrilled to have 30 minutes to take a shower. However if I keep sporting this scent, I won't have to worry about birth control. So I guess it's a a tie.
I guess what I need more is just time to me. Time to chillax. Time to really relish in a zen silence of "whatever I wanna do day". Sadly, like most new mom's we find this out a little to late that we trade our lives for getting the gift of our children. Don't get me wrong I would do it all over again because being a mom is amazing. Teething as a process isn't. Along with a baby one should automatically get 2 prescriptions of both Xanax and Day at the spa- at least once every 5 months. Why 5 months? Because that's all it takes to break down completely and look like a tired greasy hag.
Speaking of greasy hag's did you know if you type those two words into a Bing Search Engine it brings up an image of Paris Hilton? Funny but true!
That's all for today from the corner of crass and stupidity.
sigh...so it's snowing here it's 18 degrees. My toes have stopped circulating blood and my son doesn't want to nap today. I would literally be thrilled to have 30 minutes to take a shower. However if I keep sporting this scent, I won't have to worry about birth control. So I guess it's a a tie.
I guess what I need more is just time to me. Time to chillax. Time to really relish in a zen silence of "whatever I wanna do day". Sadly, like most new mom's we find this out a little to late that we trade our lives for getting the gift of our children. Don't get me wrong I would do it all over again because being a mom is amazing. Teething as a process isn't. Along with a baby one should automatically get 2 prescriptions of both Xanax and Day at the spa- at least once every 5 months. Why 5 months? Because that's all it takes to break down completely and look like a tired greasy hag.
Speaking of greasy hag's did you know if you type those two words into a Bing Search Engine it brings up an image of Paris Hilton? Funny but true!
That's all for today from the corner of crass and stupidity.
Jan 6, 2010
Ode to the bucket
Ode to my bucket upon my bed.
You're there for me when I can't lift me head.
You're durable and stable when I am weak
You don't judge me or tell me that I really stink
Ode to this bucket all white and contoured
It obvious to all who have read this and endured
My Dr. Suess antics which leave me bemused
May make you feel sick or slightly enthused.
But should you feel slightly sickly post read
May I suggest this bucket,it's just what you'll need
You're there for me when I can't lift me head.
You're durable and stable when I am weak
You don't judge me or tell me that I really stink
Ode to this bucket all white and contoured
It obvious to all who have read this and endured
My Dr. Suess antics which leave me bemused
May make you feel sick or slightly enthused.
But should you feel slightly sickly post read
May I suggest this bucket,it's just what you'll need
Jan 2, 2010
Damn it feels good to be a gaangsta!
I am clearly not one, but I have my moments I pretend that I'm a badass. However in each person's life they come across the mental mind game that creates a reality that you're clearly not in the same league as others may be, and it catches you off gaurd who makes that cut.
Mine happened in San Marcos TX. It's a piece of crap town with a gas station that actually hires some body to make the best breakfast tacos you'd ever had. Thank you breakfast Taco lady. Some days you were my only buddy. I imagine you to be a comforting mama patting me on the head. Ah Taco mommy. She had many strong powers over me. One being these peices of heaven in a soft taco ( which I know you made by hand) was that you made them 2 for a $1. With free salsa you made from your garden...but I digress. On to my mental setback on our "food chain"; The status quo chain.
In this college town, there are very few resteraunts; what are available is mainly fast food. I worked as a manager in one of these hell holes. With a Bitch called Mary Ester. "Nuh, Uh mama, not in my world" Well, NOW Mama, you're in a blog in which I control. Check mate, Biznatch. The company that serves up all grease fire grilled.. (guess) had a policy to hire at each store people not deemed management matierial. (They weren't trusted with sharp objects....get my ugly drift?) I think this is the perfect reason why Parts of Corporate Business are sadistic. This guy we'll call Tom, (No, not related) got a extra role in the movie "The Ringer". We all were pretty happy for him...Until the day I'd found out Tom had a wife! This man who was a very special individual had gotten married. Something at the time I hadn't figured out how to do! On top of that he had already gotten divorced from and I quote "a white bitch that wanted my money, and I hated her mom." You have to love honesty. So I tell him, I'm gonna get that movie and have you sign it, I've never had a real movie stars signiture ." To which he qouted "And you're not going too!" (even got better zingers on me than most!!) I became envious...severely. Of TOM! He had gotten paid a year of my "manager salary" for working 3 weeks on a hollywood movie set. Wanna know what he bought? A Silver and Blue racing pimped out MOPED, with matching helmet. I drove a 92 Buick Centra. It was now 2004. And mopper Tom became the moped king. Tom was clearly living life better than I. I had to laugh at that. Tom was higher up on the status quo chain. I was happy for him to be there though. I agreed with God and punched in the order for a crossant breakfast sandwich and asked if the lumberjack who wanted it wanted it supersized. And of course he did. It's clearly the better value.
After raising my class of bubbly in a solo cup a few nights back, I realized I should have made a toast to Tom. I know now how he feels; and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA!
Mine happened in San Marcos TX. It's a piece of crap town with a gas station that actually hires some body to make the best breakfast tacos you'd ever had. Thank you breakfast Taco lady. Some days you were my only buddy. I imagine you to be a comforting mama patting me on the head. Ah Taco mommy. She had many strong powers over me. One being these peices of heaven in a soft taco ( which I know you made by hand) was that you made them 2 for a $1. With free salsa you made from your garden...but I digress. On to my mental setback on our "food chain"; The status quo chain.
In this college town, there are very few resteraunts; what are available is mainly fast food. I worked as a manager in one of these hell holes. With a Bitch called Mary Ester. "Nuh, Uh mama, not in my world" Well, NOW Mama, you're in a blog in which I control. Check mate, Biznatch. The company that serves up all grease fire grilled.. (guess) had a policy to hire at each store people not deemed management matierial. (They weren't trusted with sharp objects....get my ugly drift?) I think this is the perfect reason why Parts of Corporate Business are sadistic. This guy we'll call Tom, (No, not related) got a extra role in the movie "The Ringer". We all were pretty happy for him...Until the day I'd found out Tom had a wife! This man who was a very special individual had gotten married. Something at the time I hadn't figured out how to do! On top of that he had already gotten divorced from and I quote "a white bitch that wanted my money, and I hated her mom." You have to love honesty. So I tell him, I'm gonna get that movie and have you sign it, I've never had a real movie stars signiture ." To which he qouted "And you're not going too!" (even got better zingers on me than most!!) I became envious...severely. Of TOM! He had gotten paid a year of my "manager salary" for working 3 weeks on a hollywood movie set. Wanna know what he bought? A Silver and Blue racing pimped out MOPED, with matching helmet. I drove a 92 Buick Centra. It was now 2004. And mopper Tom became the moped king. Tom was clearly living life better than I. I had to laugh at that. Tom was higher up on the status quo chain. I was happy for him to be there though. I agreed with God and punched in the order for a crossant breakfast sandwich and asked if the lumberjack who wanted it wanted it supersized. And of course he did. It's clearly the better value.
After raising my class of bubbly in a solo cup a few nights back, I realized I should have made a toast to Tom. I know now how he feels; and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA!
Dec 31, 2009
Debauchery HO!
Santa's put back in the box on the way to the Pole. Mrs. Claus waits at home for her man to come home. Knowing he's sated by all the sweet treats, Mrs. Claus and the elves start tending to the new years beast feast!
She layers on her perfume just a hint of vanilla. Knowing what man wouldn't smell it and come "hither"? Santa being no exception, being a man with his flaws. "He can't wait to get home" she thinks whilst painting her claws...
Enough of this jargon, it can't possibly last! "Debauchery HO!" cried Santa and the riendeer sped fast.Into the night and closer to the Home. Landing so quickly on their tarmac of lights. Another Christmas is over! Time to drink with all our might!
Remember that the new year hails a new list of naughty and nice. So when it comes time for your drunken butt to stumble home; Remember not even Santa drinks while he steers. Which is why each morale story comes with a "Claus"-Don't drink and drive! should now give you pause!
She layers on her perfume just a hint of vanilla. Knowing what man wouldn't smell it and come "hither"? Santa being no exception, being a man with his flaws. "He can't wait to get home" she thinks whilst painting her claws...
Enough of this jargon, it can't possibly last! "Debauchery HO!" cried Santa and the riendeer sped fast.Into the night and closer to the Home. Landing so quickly on their tarmac of lights. Another Christmas is over! Time to drink with all our might!
Remember that the new year hails a new list of naughty and nice. So when it comes time for your drunken butt to stumble home; Remember not even Santa drinks while he steers. Which is why each morale story comes with a "Claus"-Don't drink and drive! should now give you pause!
Dec 30, 2009
happy friggin new year
Well I'm lazy...I have to admit this. I haven't blogged daily. Eh who's gonna yell at me? Certainly not you, least of all my English Teacher Mrs. Moritz...no, but I really should have kept it up. In my defense I have been ill last couple of days, and prior to that it was Christmas Eve and Day. Let me help you keep abreast of what I did. I obsessivly watched E and TMZ...it's just to good. It was as if the Lord above granted every wish I had upon a celebristar.
What amazed me is the celebrity crazy that happened round the world. It started one morning when Charlie Sheen sang a song either to or about his daughters, to which his current wife knocked him around drunkenly. Not to be untheatrical, he allegedly threatened to kill her with a pocketknife. He was arrested, banned from his wife spent the Christmas Day incarcerated and fending off the advances of the drunken.(Karma, right?) She's decided she doesn't want to deal with him having a boyfriend and losing out to subsequent monies from possible BF's palimony suit post sentencing and recanted her accusation...but like most women who change thier mind pigs prosecute anyway. Welcome to piss tests and probation Charlie.
Paul Anka called 911, though it's possible he just wanted his name in the papers with those that were crazy. Let's face it, you don't see TLC or E! knocking down his door for a reality show ((I shudder at those possible sex scenes)) What exactly did Paul Anka need 911 for you ask? Who cares really, it's Paul Anka. Maybe somebody asked for his autograph.
So did the Kardashians, whose priest got beat up by thier neighbor. All over the amount of vehicles Bruce had valet'ed around the area. What's interesting is that this happened and their WASN'T a 7 year old boy in the mix. Usually that's what priests get beat up for right? Wonder how many Hail Mary's that man's gonna have to say!
Not to be outdone,a crazy woman in Italy, spidermanned on top of the pope and broke an 87 yr old Cardinal's hip. I bet he had worked his whole life to walk next to the pontiff, only to be splashed about in the tabloids for not drinking his milk! Personally, I thought it was about time that a pontiff was spidermanned...don't you? (BTW, the youtube vid is viral for a reason in case you just blessed me to death)
I saved the BEST for last:
Jon Gosselin was MUM for the first time in 7 years, but his lawyer spoke publically about the ransacking of his apartment...Okay this I have to admit was hysterical. I'm surprised he didn't get a phone call ahead of time from one of Dione Warwick's psychics on this. This was a no brainer. Maybe Hailey Glassman didn't do it (snort, wink) whoever did- KUDOS to you. My personal fave was the lovelorn note attached to his dresser by a knife and SIGNED "Hailey Glassman". I am seriously hoping for a video on Youtube of the whole thing. It reeks of sensationalism at it's best as well as drama created by the drunken young...I've heard tell that Glassman never has an empty glass, man. Kate, you HAVE to be laughing at this...plz tell me that this is by far the best interpretation of Karma you've ever seen happen.
What amazed me is the celebrity crazy that happened round the world. It started one morning when Charlie Sheen sang a song either to or about his daughters, to which his current wife knocked him around drunkenly. Not to be untheatrical, he allegedly threatened to kill her with a pocketknife. He was arrested, banned from his wife spent the Christmas Day incarcerated and fending off the advances of the drunken.(Karma, right?) She's decided she doesn't want to deal with him having a boyfriend and losing out to subsequent monies from possible BF's palimony suit post sentencing and recanted her accusation...but like most women who change thier mind pigs prosecute anyway. Welcome to piss tests and probation Charlie.
Paul Anka called 911, though it's possible he just wanted his name in the papers with those that were crazy. Let's face it, you don't see TLC or E! knocking down his door for a reality show ((I shudder at those possible sex scenes)) What exactly did Paul Anka need 911 for you ask? Who cares really, it's Paul Anka. Maybe somebody asked for his autograph.
So did the Kardashians, whose priest got beat up by thier neighbor. All over the amount of vehicles Bruce had valet'ed around the area. What's interesting is that this happened and their WASN'T a 7 year old boy in the mix. Usually that's what priests get beat up for right? Wonder how many Hail Mary's that man's gonna have to say!
Not to be outdone,a crazy woman in Italy, spidermanned on top of the pope and broke an 87 yr old Cardinal's hip. I bet he had worked his whole life to walk next to the pontiff, only to be splashed about in the tabloids for not drinking his milk! Personally, I thought it was about time that a pontiff was spidermanned...don't you? (BTW, the youtube vid is viral for a reason in case you just blessed me to death)
I saved the BEST for last:
Jon Gosselin was MUM for the first time in 7 years, but his lawyer spoke publically about the ransacking of his apartment...Okay this I have to admit was hysterical. I'm surprised he didn't get a phone call ahead of time from one of Dione Warwick's psychics on this. This was a no brainer. Maybe Hailey Glassman didn't do it (snort, wink) whoever did- KUDOS to you. My personal fave was the lovelorn note attached to his dresser by a knife and SIGNED "Hailey Glassman". I am seriously hoping for a video on Youtube of the whole thing. It reeks of sensationalism at it's best as well as drama created by the drunken young...I've heard tell that Glassman never has an empty glass, man. Kate, you HAVE to be laughing at this...plz tell me that this is by far the best interpretation of Karma you've ever seen happen.
Dec 22, 2009
Ho-Ho-Holiday....Celebrate
Afternoon blog readers...It's beginning to look a lot like christmas! Oh the hoopla of 2009 is soon to be over. I'm bittersweet about it as my son just turned 1, but on to bigger and better things right?!
What an anum. I have a lot to reflect on! I've lost a turkey in weight, which when you see a turkey you're slightly shocked. Or I could have said I lost the same weight as my son....No wonder why my back feels better.
What I've given up to do this is selfishness. I think I'm on a voyage to reality. I'm no where near done, but I have hope that I will finish. I've done dieting in the past and most of the times I end up fat and happy with my chocolate bar. I'm really hoping that this not be the last for me. So far it's working and I'm sticking with it regardless of my desire for being able to join in on Hot French Toast or Pizza Parties. I'm experimenting with new ways to create a feeling of self worth away from what I've always been known for; my ability to cook.
Taking time out for me is hard. I don't want to do it, I force myself too and then inevitably feel much better about myself which helps with staying close to my diet plan. To those of you that are curious for me to go into more detail, I'm on a diet created by Sam Walters Md, NMD at the Wellspring Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. I get 520 calories a day (give or take) along with supplements and vitamins. My day is spent weighing my food intake as such:
3.5 oz of Fruit in the a.m.
coffee, tea, and water, as much as I want to help flush out toxins
10a.m. I take a protien pill
3.5 oz of lean protien ( fish, pork, lean beef, chicken)
3.5 oz of vegetables (non starchy only!- kale, broccolli, cauliflower)etc
again, more water, tea or coffee of my choosing
6 hours after eating my first oz of fruit I may have a second or stave till later in night and have as dessert
2 pm again protien pill
supper 3.5 meat & 3.5oz veggie.
1 mile of walking and then restart the next day....that's it.
Many of you may moan about starvation, etc. Part of the reason why this diet is working is that Ketosis is starting in my system. I'm able to charge up my metabolic rate. This doesn't mean I'm pumped with energy, I am exhausted. But you come to a place where you don't know what more will/won't work for yourself. At some point I'll be able to get off the mad circle of strict dieting, but that's down the road and I focus on today. When that day happens it happens. I focus on completing the opportunity to reverse years of poor dieting and eating habits. The worst mentally for me is the mind. I fight it so much. "Wouldn't you love a donut this morning" says I to myself "nobody will know" I have to remind myself that everyone knows, my ass is huge! It may not be tomorrow that they see the extra pound but the next time they see me they always make a mental note. "gee, she's put it on, hasn't she?" Medical reasons have hindered me in the past, but I'm not going to rest on mental crutches. I'm going to do what I can with the time I have left. I'm celebrating the opportunity to lose my fat self and find the wallflower again.
One of the best things that I've done is chosen to buy free trade items in lieu of cheaper options. Why free trade? Well I'm chosing to starve to lose weight, but that doesn't mean that others have to starve that don't have the option of choice. I choose free trade because I want to help others eat while I fast.
So while everyone else is getting ready to eat thier roast beast, I'll be standing back enjoying the smiles at the feast. It's all about family, and none of the grinch so this year lets try to fulfill our best christmas Wish!
From the corner of Crass and stupidity happy Holidays...
What an anum. I have a lot to reflect on! I've lost a turkey in weight, which when you see a turkey you're slightly shocked. Or I could have said I lost the same weight as my son....No wonder why my back feels better.
What I've given up to do this is selfishness. I think I'm on a voyage to reality. I'm no where near done, but I have hope that I will finish. I've done dieting in the past and most of the times I end up fat and happy with my chocolate bar. I'm really hoping that this not be the last for me. So far it's working and I'm sticking with it regardless of my desire for being able to join in on Hot French Toast or Pizza Parties. I'm experimenting with new ways to create a feeling of self worth away from what I've always been known for; my ability to cook.
Taking time out for me is hard. I don't want to do it, I force myself too and then inevitably feel much better about myself which helps with staying close to my diet plan. To those of you that are curious for me to go into more detail, I'm on a diet created by Sam Walters Md, NMD at the Wellspring Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. I get 520 calories a day (give or take) along with supplements and vitamins. My day is spent weighing my food intake as such:
3.5 oz of Fruit in the a.m.
coffee, tea, and water, as much as I want to help flush out toxins
10a.m. I take a protien pill
3.5 oz of lean protien ( fish, pork, lean beef, chicken)
3.5 oz of vegetables (non starchy only!- kale, broccolli, cauliflower)etc
again, more water, tea or coffee of my choosing
6 hours after eating my first oz of fruit I may have a second or stave till later in night and have as dessert
2 pm again protien pill
supper 3.5 meat & 3.5oz veggie.
1 mile of walking and then restart the next day....that's it.
Many of you may moan about starvation, etc. Part of the reason why this diet is working is that Ketosis is starting in my system. I'm able to charge up my metabolic rate. This doesn't mean I'm pumped with energy, I am exhausted. But you come to a place where you don't know what more will/won't work for yourself. At some point I'll be able to get off the mad circle of strict dieting, but that's down the road and I focus on today. When that day happens it happens. I focus on completing the opportunity to reverse years of poor dieting and eating habits. The worst mentally for me is the mind. I fight it so much. "Wouldn't you love a donut this morning" says I to myself "nobody will know" I have to remind myself that everyone knows, my ass is huge! It may not be tomorrow that they see the extra pound but the next time they see me they always make a mental note. "gee, she's put it on, hasn't she?" Medical reasons have hindered me in the past, but I'm not going to rest on mental crutches. I'm going to do what I can with the time I have left. I'm celebrating the opportunity to lose my fat self and find the wallflower again.
One of the best things that I've done is chosen to buy free trade items in lieu of cheaper options. Why free trade? Well I'm chosing to starve to lose weight, but that doesn't mean that others have to starve that don't have the option of choice. I choose free trade because I want to help others eat while I fast.
So while everyone else is getting ready to eat thier roast beast, I'll be standing back enjoying the smiles at the feast. It's all about family, and none of the grinch so this year lets try to fulfill our best christmas Wish!
From the corner of Crass and stupidity happy Holidays...
Dec 10, 2009
Chelsea Lately
I'm addicted to her show. She's loud, brash, quick to judge, and pretty much allows for anyone to be fair game. No slant Comedy. Fat, Thin, Gay, Straight, she will pick on you if stupid happens to ya.
Last night was no different. Except for when one gay comic was asked what he would do if he had to play a character straight. This guy is the poster child for all things queer for the most part. He looked at her intently, silently stood up and french kissed a straight female comic. I about died laughing. She herself was so agog and freaked out she couldn't figure out the right response. She tried to push him away, to no avail. Not to be outdone she attempted post kiss to french Chelsea herself...One "I'll fire you bitch" look from Chelsea and she quickly took her seat. For a moment there, I think I got a good look at what Tiger Woods and David Letterman deal with....Just sayin.
I also believe Tigergate is headed for a divorce similar to that of Micheal Jordan. There isn't a Kobe Special out there big enough to get Elin to forgive 9 possible mistresses....ask David Duchovney. I would LOVE to be the divorce lawyer on this case. Short of bronzing Tiger's famous/infamous "personal balls" and using them as rear view mirror decorations I think this man is going to need to be playing MORE golf vs. less. Maybe he should talk to Jon Gosselin. He might find some good advice there. The only person who got more ass lately than tiger is probably Bill Clinton. After all his wife is in the Middle East lately. I would HATE that laundry detail! You know it's all about Big Mac "special sauce" and intern stains. ISH.
You know maybe it will work out for Ed Hardy after all. He should have a charity based shirt line. Every time a famous philanderer get's found out a proceed of the sales will go to help find the cure for Micheal Lohans mental disorder!
Last night was no different. Except for when one gay comic was asked what he would do if he had to play a character straight. This guy is the poster child for all things queer for the most part. He looked at her intently, silently stood up and french kissed a straight female comic. I about died laughing. She herself was so agog and freaked out she couldn't figure out the right response. She tried to push him away, to no avail. Not to be outdone she attempted post kiss to french Chelsea herself...One "I'll fire you bitch" look from Chelsea and she quickly took her seat. For a moment there, I think I got a good look at what Tiger Woods and David Letterman deal with....Just sayin.
I also believe Tigergate is headed for a divorce similar to that of Micheal Jordan. There isn't a Kobe Special out there big enough to get Elin to forgive 9 possible mistresses....ask David Duchovney. I would LOVE to be the divorce lawyer on this case. Short of bronzing Tiger's famous/infamous "personal balls" and using them as rear view mirror decorations I think this man is going to need to be playing MORE golf vs. less. Maybe he should talk to Jon Gosselin. He might find some good advice there. The only person who got more ass lately than tiger is probably Bill Clinton. After all his wife is in the Middle East lately. I would HATE that laundry detail! You know it's all about Big Mac "special sauce" and intern stains. ISH.
You know maybe it will work out for Ed Hardy after all. He should have a charity based shirt line. Every time a famous philanderer get's found out a proceed of the sales will go to help find the cure for Micheal Lohans mental disorder!
Dec 8, 2009
Don't Get Above Your Raisin'
It's an old country song that was last made famous by Ricky Skaggs. It talks about people from small towns changing for the benefit of others. It chastises us about reminding us where we are from.
What's wrong with having small town values? It fosters a warm, caring, close knit family style community. One where we may know eachother's issues, but still are willing to help when needed. It's something that Republican and Democrat alike platform on "small town values", one which is hard to believe they all have living in a City like the District of Columbia.
I live in a very small town now. Soddy Daisy. We don't have much here but spirit and spunk....but we are small town americana. We had our first snow day in 3 years the other day. I woke up to my excited husband who couldn't wait to show our 11 month old son the snow. Kids up and down our cul-de-sac were screaming and hollering. Snowmen were being erected and sledding was happening. The pure joy and elation that was heard was so much that you had to get caught up in the moment. My son was pretty non-plussed at the white snow, he held it in his hand and then quickly let it drop repulsed by the chill of it. But it was a moment we were both able to have together as a couple. For now, it's a moment that was brought by a momentary flake from the sky that lasted for almost 3 hours on our ground.
I just got back from a trip to Phoenix, AZ. A place I considered to be my home for many years. Problem is, while I was there I kept longing for the quiet of my Home. I had forgotton the beeping, crazy madness that is a large city. I forgot about the people that will cut you off for being able to get to a light 3 minutes faster only to slam on the brakes and smoke and tap thier hands to the beat of their radio and irritation.
It's taken about 2 years for me to get to the point where I'm not hating it here so much. Matter of fact I'm coming into my own here. I'm a wife & mother something I thought I'd never be able to do. My over all health is getting better. I'm taking time out for me.
Lord, Help me understand, you have a perfect plan here for me, so guide me with your loving hands. -Gold Heart lyric
Blessed are the humble and meek for they will inherit the earth.
Merry Christmas from the thoughts on the top of my head today at the corner of Crass and Stupidity.
What's wrong with having small town values? It fosters a warm, caring, close knit family style community. One where we may know eachother's issues, but still are willing to help when needed. It's something that Republican and Democrat alike platform on "small town values", one which is hard to believe they all have living in a City like the District of Columbia.
I live in a very small town now. Soddy Daisy. We don't have much here but spirit and spunk....but we are small town americana. We had our first snow day in 3 years the other day. I woke up to my excited husband who couldn't wait to show our 11 month old son the snow. Kids up and down our cul-de-sac were screaming and hollering. Snowmen were being erected and sledding was happening. The pure joy and elation that was heard was so much that you had to get caught up in the moment. My son was pretty non-plussed at the white snow, he held it in his hand and then quickly let it drop repulsed by the chill of it. But it was a moment we were both able to have together as a couple. For now, it's a moment that was brought by a momentary flake from the sky that lasted for almost 3 hours on our ground.
I just got back from a trip to Phoenix, AZ. A place I considered to be my home for many years. Problem is, while I was there I kept longing for the quiet of my Home. I had forgotton the beeping, crazy madness that is a large city. I forgot about the people that will cut you off for being able to get to a light 3 minutes faster only to slam on the brakes and smoke and tap thier hands to the beat of their radio and irritation.
It's taken about 2 years for me to get to the point where I'm not hating it here so much. Matter of fact I'm coming into my own here. I'm a wife & mother something I thought I'd never be able to do. My over all health is getting better. I'm taking time out for me.
Lord, Help me understand, you have a perfect plan here for me, so guide me with your loving hands. -Gold Heart lyric
Blessed are the humble and meek for they will inherit the earth.
Merry Christmas from the thoughts on the top of my head today at the corner of Crass and Stupidity.
Nov 17, 2009
Part 3 Curses Again! Foiled with a Fat Fanny in the Land of HollyWeird…
What is the big stinking deal here people? Renee Zellewegger was allowed to go to a smorgasbord or two and you act like this should make CNN headlines or something! Please! The woman is healthier than she’s looked in years, and y’all are stunned that she can find enough cloth to wrap herself in! Are you kidding me? She has millions, so I’m sure she has a sweatshop full of designer’s down in her basement working overtime for the exposure on what a genius they are for draping her in silk and organdy around her curvaceous hips and newly formed breasts. That alone just makes me laugh. Can you imagine that back-lot deal? “I’ll give you $50,000 per original outfit you design for this star, catch is: BABY’S GOT BACK!.... Gee, I don’t know” I wonder if they called in the Lane Bryant design team- how many bullets of sweat appeared on the forehead of Dior Design INT’L? However, I’ll tell you what is going to be horrible for her and every other women who listen to people like Harry Blackwell and Joan Rivers (who really should take a look in the mirror when dishing out advice on beauty) in Tinsel town, the continual up and down dieting brought on by the lure of a possible $20 million paycheck. We are talking serious side affects that I don’t think that the film industry thinks about more than the occasional side salad investigation between their afternoon delight and their bikini wax.
Let’s talk skin, since Hollywood is fascinated with body image especially when it comes to close-ups. Extreme weight gain causes stretch marks which isn’t a big thing, just road maps of the Mississippi across your hips! How about Gallbladder disease where the pain is so intense you don’t need the mafia to kick you in the stomach, your spasming gallstone helps you with that? Heart disease, diabetes, and bulimia, anorexia, so on and so forth but with a $20 million dollar paycheck that who cares it all evens out in the end, right?
So, what could possibly be the solution? Let’s actually have FAT Actors. Granted it’s a revolutionary idea and you may have on site food bills more staggering than the price of a side salad and a personal pizza divided for 12, but you may be surprised at the “Quality Control” that would dominate over the screen. Let’s get ones that are fat no matter what time of year, no matter what the issue, and ones that do a decent job of it. I’m sure that there are some actors that would fit this bill; you may have to leave L.A. to find them, but can’t you just hear some excited intern for MGM yelling “Sweet, Roadtrip!!” Come on, it would the highlight of his career there, gathering the fat and talented across the country to his side. Let’s just not take Simon Cowell along for this talent search however, the fat are all to ready to roast this English “gentleman” for tea time as it is.
Roles for the Image Oppressed…Let’s Think this through Carefully
We’re bigger than you, we sit around more than you, and we might not run faster than you do, but we have a lot of spare time to think about what we may do should you tick us off. We’re in some way very much like a Twinkie; soft on the outside and filled but filled with rage. Don’t piss on us Hollywood. Let’s talk about some big mistakes first.
Shallow Hal- Putting Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit and parading her around as something to be laughed at; not funny. Shame on you Ms. Paltrow you’ve always shown such grace and dignity in your roles such as Shakespeare in Love, Sliding Doors, and The Talented Mr. Ripley that it blew me away that you would choose to do this demeaning piece of cinematic trash. What would you do if your daughter Apple ever ended up “fat” doubtful with the genetic structure, but it could happen! Shame on the Production Crew, who actually pushed to get this unethical piece of garbage made into a movie. Then there is Jack Black, what to say, what to say? No words will be wasted on this man he really isn’t worth the time it takes to type them. I had to console 3 friends when this film came out. They all believed the hype that this would be a pleasant movie going experience; funny and uplifting-right! I warned them not to go and spend their $8 on a movie that I thought was going to be one giant “point and laugh at the fat girl” moment. They went anyway, and I stayed at home. Halfway through the film I received a tearful call from my friend Jennifer*, who was crying because the punch lines to the film were portraying
ideas that weren’t funny to her because she felt that the audience who was laughing and whooping it up, was going to be staring at her when the film ended and applying the film to her as a punch line as well. To give another varied view of what this film is like, why would it be funny to portray the life of Matthew Shepard’s as a humorous event?
How about 10 Ways to Escape from Nazi War Crimes as the newest comedy to hit the streets; the same rule applies to that of the fat, but our nation just believes that pot shots at us are justified because we obviously don’t have willpower to handle our weight. Don’t think that we not decking you after you say something crass doesn’t take willpower! We have it in spades!
Let’s talk skin, since Hollywood is fascinated with body image especially when it comes to close-ups. Extreme weight gain causes stretch marks which isn’t a big thing, just road maps of the Mississippi across your hips! How about Gallbladder disease where the pain is so intense you don’t need the mafia to kick you in the stomach, your spasming gallstone helps you with that? Heart disease, diabetes, and bulimia, anorexia, so on and so forth but with a $20 million dollar paycheck that who cares it all evens out in the end, right?
So, what could possibly be the solution? Let’s actually have FAT Actors. Granted it’s a revolutionary idea and you may have on site food bills more staggering than the price of a side salad and a personal pizza divided for 12, but you may be surprised at the “Quality Control” that would dominate over the screen. Let’s get ones that are fat no matter what time of year, no matter what the issue, and ones that do a decent job of it. I’m sure that there are some actors that would fit this bill; you may have to leave L.A. to find them, but can’t you just hear some excited intern for MGM yelling “Sweet, Roadtrip!!” Come on, it would the highlight of his career there, gathering the fat and talented across the country to his side. Let’s just not take Simon Cowell along for this talent search however, the fat are all to ready to roast this English “gentleman” for tea time as it is.
Roles for the Image Oppressed…Let’s Think this through Carefully
We’re bigger than you, we sit around more than you, and we might not run faster than you do, but we have a lot of spare time to think about what we may do should you tick us off. We’re in some way very much like a Twinkie; soft on the outside and filled but filled with rage. Don’t piss on us Hollywood. Let’s talk about some big mistakes first.
Shallow Hal- Putting Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit and parading her around as something to be laughed at; not funny. Shame on you Ms. Paltrow you’ve always shown such grace and dignity in your roles such as Shakespeare in Love, Sliding Doors, and The Talented Mr. Ripley that it blew me away that you would choose to do this demeaning piece of cinematic trash. What would you do if your daughter Apple ever ended up “fat” doubtful with the genetic structure, but it could happen! Shame on the Production Crew, who actually pushed to get this unethical piece of garbage made into a movie. Then there is Jack Black, what to say, what to say? No words will be wasted on this man he really isn’t worth the time it takes to type them. I had to console 3 friends when this film came out. They all believed the hype that this would be a pleasant movie going experience; funny and uplifting-right! I warned them not to go and spend their $8 on a movie that I thought was going to be one giant “point and laugh at the fat girl” moment. They went anyway, and I stayed at home. Halfway through the film I received a tearful call from my friend Jennifer*, who was crying because the punch lines to the film were portraying
ideas that weren’t funny to her because she felt that the audience who was laughing and whooping it up, was going to be staring at her when the film ended and applying the film to her as a punch line as well. To give another varied view of what this film is like, why would it be funny to portray the life of Matthew Shepard’s as a humorous event?
How about 10 Ways to Escape from Nazi War Crimes as the newest comedy to hit the streets; the same rule applies to that of the fat, but our nation just believes that pot shots at us are justified because we obviously don’t have willpower to handle our weight. Don’t think that we not decking you after you say something crass doesn’t take willpower! We have it in spades!
Nov 16, 2009
Next up at my bat, Bad Clothing Designers for the Fat…..
I know we’re lumpy, bumpy, top heavy, pear shaped, flat butted, whatever, but for crying out loud what the hell are some of you thinking? I went into a store the other day and I was HORRIFIED. Y’all had us ready for open range shooting-but as the TARGETS!!! Every animal print known to man was available: Tiger, zebra, leopard, giraffe, and if I’d kept looking I’m sure I’d have found a water buffalo. That wasn’t even the worst part of it. Nope, if we weren’t already wide enough y’all want to draw attention to us by adding puff paint, iron on fish, blinking lights, and lace by the pound and my personal favorite: 7 inch fringe hanging off under the arms of a long sleeved dress. What is it that offendeth thou so? Did a fat man stand one of you up? Did a fat woman step on your toe or eat your slice of cheesecake? Retailers are no better, so you had better scurry now too! If I had $100 to drop on a pair of pants, I’d have my own MTV show with my best fat friend! You guys must think that we’re padding the inseam of these size 24 pant’s w/ cash-let me inform the best of you that we aren’t-unless of course you’re a liposuction doctor in Beverly Hills….that could get into the billions here; we might even be able to solve the national deficit with this kind of cash! I then hand over my wallet to the retail cashier they take my cash;$65 for a shirt, $100 for a pair of pants, later on as I head out the door with my purchases I decide I’d almost rather talk to Dr. Phil.
Curses Again! Foiled with a Fat Fanny in the Land of HollyWeird…
What is the big stinking deal here people? Renee Zellewegger was allowed to go to a smorgasbord or two and you act like this should make CNN headlines or something! Please! The woman is healthier than she’s looked in years, and y’all are stunned that she can find enough cloth to wrap herself in! Are you kidding me? She has millions, so I’m sure she has a sweatshop full of designer’s down in her basement working overtime for the exposure on what a genius they are for draping her in silk and organdy around her curvaceous hips and newly formed breasts. That alone just makes me laugh. Can you imagine that back-lot deal? “I’ll give you $50,000 per original outfit you design for this star, catch is: BABY’S GOT BACK!.... Gee, I don’t know” I wonder if they called in the Lane Bryant design team- how many bullets of sweat appeared on the forehead of Dior Design INT’L? However, I’ll tell you what is going to be horrible for her and every other women who listen to people like Harry Blackwell and Joan Rivers (who really should take a look in the mirror when dishing out advice on beauty) in Tinsel town, the continual up and down dieting brought on by the lure of a possible $20 million paycheck. We are talking serious side affects that I don’t think that the film industry thinks about more than the occasional side salad investigation between their afternoon delight and their bikini wax.
Let’s talk skin, since Hollywood is fascinated with body image especially when it comes to close-ups. Extreme weight gain causes stretch marks which isn’t a big thing, just road maps of the Mississippi across your hips! How about Gallbladder disease where the pain is so intense you don’t need the mafia to kick you in the stomach, your spasming gallstone helps you with that? Heart disease, diabetes, and bulimia, anorexia, so on and so forth but with a $20 million dollar paycheck that who cares it all evens out in the end, right?
So, what could possibly be the solution? Let’s actually have FAT Actors. Granted it’s a revolutionary idea and you may have on site food bills more staggering than the price of a side salad and a personal pizza divided for 12, but you may be surprised at the “Quality Control” that would dominate over the screen. Let’s get ones that are fat no matter what time of year, no matter what the issue, and ones that do a decent job of it. I’m sure that there are some actors that would fit this bill; you may have to leave L.A. to find them, but can’t you just hear some excited intern for MGM yelling “Sweet, Roadtrip!!” Come on, it would the highlight of his career there, gathering the fat and talented across the country to his side. Let’s just not take Simon Cowell along for this talent search however, the fat are all to ready to roast this English “gentleman” for tea time as it is.
Curses Again! Foiled with a Fat Fanny in the Land of HollyWeird…
What is the big stinking deal here people? Renee Zellewegger was allowed to go to a smorgasbord or two and you act like this should make CNN headlines or something! Please! The woman is healthier than she’s looked in years, and y’all are stunned that she can find enough cloth to wrap herself in! Are you kidding me? She has millions, so I’m sure she has a sweatshop full of designer’s down in her basement working overtime for the exposure on what a genius they are for draping her in silk and organdy around her curvaceous hips and newly formed breasts. That alone just makes me laugh. Can you imagine that back-lot deal? “I’ll give you $50,000 per original outfit you design for this star, catch is: BABY’S GOT BACK!.... Gee, I don’t know” I wonder if they called in the Lane Bryant design team- how many bullets of sweat appeared on the forehead of Dior Design INT’L? However, I’ll tell you what is going to be horrible for her and every other women who listen to people like Harry Blackwell and Joan Rivers (who really should take a look in the mirror when dishing out advice on beauty) in Tinsel town, the continual up and down dieting brought on by the lure of a possible $20 million paycheck. We are talking serious side affects that I don’t think that the film industry thinks about more than the occasional side salad investigation between their afternoon delight and their bikini wax.
Let’s talk skin, since Hollywood is fascinated with body image especially when it comes to close-ups. Extreme weight gain causes stretch marks which isn’t a big thing, just road maps of the Mississippi across your hips! How about Gallbladder disease where the pain is so intense you don’t need the mafia to kick you in the stomach, your spasming gallstone helps you with that? Heart disease, diabetes, and bulimia, anorexia, so on and so forth but with a $20 million dollar paycheck that who cares it all evens out in the end, right?
So, what could possibly be the solution? Let’s actually have FAT Actors. Granted it’s a revolutionary idea and you may have on site food bills more staggering than the price of a side salad and a personal pizza divided for 12, but you may be surprised at the “Quality Control” that would dominate over the screen. Let’s get ones that are fat no matter what time of year, no matter what the issue, and ones that do a decent job of it. I’m sure that there are some actors that would fit this bill; you may have to leave L.A. to find them, but can’t you just hear some excited intern for MGM yelling “Sweet, Roadtrip!!” Come on, it would the highlight of his career there, gathering the fat and talented across the country to his side. Let’s just not take Simon Cowell along for this talent search however, the fat are all to ready to roast this English “gentleman” for tea time as it is.
part two of Diatribe of a Fat woman on a Deaf & Thin Society
Bald Fat Men Don’t Have the Answer
I’ve dieted since I was a small child, and it HASN’T worked. I have to tell you America, you can put a fat bald man in front of a camera, shine him up, endorse him by the queen of Talk Time, but that don’t make it so….it’s still a damn diet. I don’t think anyone who tells you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working for you, is worth shining your shoes….YOU already know that whatever you are doing isn’t working for you- we’re obese as a NATION, but if you NEED the additional humiliation of going on a national televised programming, and having a bully throw a rock at you, by all means, go for it. How is it however, going to solve your self esteem when you get back to your hometown and look back in the mirror? Do it yourself, for you and screw the bully to the wall. Tell him to sit on it!
When I ranted on one day about the fat bald man that is on daytime TV, Andrew* who is a nice skinny guy, commented: “Well who would you want telling you to lose weight then? Richard Simmons who works out all the time or someone like the Fat Bald Man?” Here is my point-please someone commit this to memory, we don’t NEED someone telling us to lose weight, that’s such a personal decision, who is anyone, fat or skinny to tell any one of us to lose weight? How’s that working for ya?
Celebrity is as celebrity does, the mentality that we all have is that old adage: 15 minutes of fame: we all strive for it in a sense. We do it with the clothing we shop for, the makeup we put on, the bathroom products we use, some of us even go to a more cutthroat level of stepping on co-workers for glory at work, just for the additional spotlight time, I’m doing it now, writing this from my cubicle at work, but nobody knows, do they? The Fat however, as a society, shrink from the spotlight because being seen isn’t really a great thing, some of the “thin” can make it hard for us to emerge. We are great people though, funny, loving, loyal, just like you, with about 100 lbs more. Being fat isn’t like being an alcoholic, a druggie, a nymphomaniac; you can hide most of these addictions with a great deal of finesse the occasional lie that has it’s possibilities to it: “I was gone to long to get milk because the car over heated. Obesity is the one dependency that can’t be hidden by a decent pair of black slacks and a girdle, no matter what a sales lady at Sears will tell you. For those of us that are obese; 40+ body mass index over (because THAT IS truly over weight, not this a 12 doesn’t look that great on me stuff) You know what it would take to get me to look like a Tommy Girl at this point? 4 surgeries and 2 years of working out for 2 hours daily and I’d STILL look like a scarecrow in the end. Reading this you may see a defeatist attitude and the outlook is a grim one, I agree, but then again, my life can be this way. I’ll give you an example: I went out with my friends for a night of conversation at a restaurant and a movie. We had just finished up at the restaurant and I came out ahead of my friends. 3 men and a woman were standing on the curb talking as I came out, one of them called out “Whoa baby! Charge in another direction!” The rest of the group was reduced to laughter. The woman of the group looked at me and flirtingly elbowed the guy who had said this. I, of course, felt humiliated, as usual, but then shortly after that ready to commit a quadruple homicide. The only thing stopping me wasn’t the fact that I’d get the gas or anything, it was that I’d be winded from dumping their bodies. I don’t like to sweat, you see.
I’ve dieted since I was a small child, and it HASN’T worked. I have to tell you America, you can put a fat bald man in front of a camera, shine him up, endorse him by the queen of Talk Time, but that don’t make it so….it’s still a damn diet. I don’t think anyone who tells you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working for you, is worth shining your shoes….YOU already know that whatever you are doing isn’t working for you- we’re obese as a NATION, but if you NEED the additional humiliation of going on a national televised programming, and having a bully throw a rock at you, by all means, go for it. How is it however, going to solve your self esteem when you get back to your hometown and look back in the mirror? Do it yourself, for you and screw the bully to the wall. Tell him to sit on it!
When I ranted on one day about the fat bald man that is on daytime TV, Andrew* who is a nice skinny guy, commented: “Well who would you want telling you to lose weight then? Richard Simmons who works out all the time or someone like the Fat Bald Man?” Here is my point-please someone commit this to memory, we don’t NEED someone telling us to lose weight, that’s such a personal decision, who is anyone, fat or skinny to tell any one of us to lose weight? How’s that working for ya?
Celebrity is as celebrity does, the mentality that we all have is that old adage: 15 minutes of fame: we all strive for it in a sense. We do it with the clothing we shop for, the makeup we put on, the bathroom products we use, some of us even go to a more cutthroat level of stepping on co-workers for glory at work, just for the additional spotlight time, I’m doing it now, writing this from my cubicle at work, but nobody knows, do they? The Fat however, as a society, shrink from the spotlight because being seen isn’t really a great thing, some of the “thin” can make it hard for us to emerge. We are great people though, funny, loving, loyal, just like you, with about 100 lbs more. Being fat isn’t like being an alcoholic, a druggie, a nymphomaniac; you can hide most of these addictions with a great deal of finesse the occasional lie that has it’s possibilities to it: “I was gone to long to get milk because the car over heated. Obesity is the one dependency that can’t be hidden by a decent pair of black slacks and a girdle, no matter what a sales lady at Sears will tell you. For those of us that are obese; 40+ body mass index over (because THAT IS truly over weight, not this a 12 doesn’t look that great on me stuff) You know what it would take to get me to look like a Tommy Girl at this point? 4 surgeries and 2 years of working out for 2 hours daily and I’d STILL look like a scarecrow in the end. Reading this you may see a defeatist attitude and the outlook is a grim one, I agree, but then again, my life can be this way. I’ll give you an example: I went out with my friends for a night of conversation at a restaurant and a movie. We had just finished up at the restaurant and I came out ahead of my friends. 3 men and a woman were standing on the curb talking as I came out, one of them called out “Whoa baby! Charge in another direction!” The rest of the group was reduced to laughter. The woman of the group looked at me and flirtingly elbowed the guy who had said this. I, of course, felt humiliated, as usual, but then shortly after that ready to commit a quadruple homicide. The only thing stopping me wasn’t the fact that I’d get the gas or anything, it was that I’d be winded from dumping their bodies. I don’t like to sweat, you see.
Nov 11, 2009
I'm going to post something I wrote years ago.
I wrote this in 2004. Long time ago when I was "single" without a child. Bridget Jones was in the theater, Dr. Phil was promoting his "diet" pills and plan. You remember right? Turns out he was sued and had to do a settlement with most of his clientele, but that's water under the bridge. I'm posting it in spurts. Each day will come a percentile of a full blog.
Diatribe of a Fat Woman on a Deaf and Thin Society (2004)
It wasn’t until I’d already lost 30 pounds, that the desire to write this Diatribe had even come to me. It really isn’t about my journey of losing weight, don’t get me wrong though, it plays a gargantuan part-150 pounds loss is nothing to sneeze at, it is the loss of my physiological twin and a safety blanket. No, the writing of this continual progression was precluded by the society in which I survived in as a fat woman. It wasn’t one that made me want to lose the weight it was one that made me feel like I should stay right where I was. I felt that I gave every one something to gasp about, to compare themselves on this yard stick of physicality and beauty that these thick airbrushed models find themselves; in my mind it was always right before they bought that magazine and before “you know who” came around the corner.
Some of you may not be able to identify with the anger that this portrays but for 64% of Americans this is their day to day life. We are not talking about 10 pounds here and there, but morbid obesity, where the person affected is 40% fatty tissue. Just now people are starting to get in line and “look” at it: our Pink Elephant in the corner, so to speak. The American Medical Association has recognized that there is an alarmingly increased risk to Americans over the years, noting that even casket’s have had to be enlarged. When you ask most obese persons if they had the opportunity to have the bariatric surgery (gastrointestinal) most would say: “I would rather die than be fat.” But the sad fact remains that some do. They die from complications leaving behind families grieving in their wake. They die on the surgical table that day because of issues from blood pressure or clotting, things no one could have seen, or even after surgery an embolism; just when you think you’re out of the woods. I was going to have Bariatric Surgery. My father, a pharmacist, pleaded me to think about the long road not 3 years down from now, which is what every one kept showing me, but the 50 year one. What was going to happen to me? Relatively the gastric bypass patients of today are the ones that will tell us what will happen to those in geriatric times and to be honest, I’m not sure I’m willing to risk that if I’ve made it that long. I want a functioning intestine esophagus, and stomach. I give kudos to those who are doing it though, you are in fact medical miracles, and your bravery is a testament all to itself. We are all still what we were, sisters and brothers, and we need to be united against this disease.
Society itself is all to ready to let other destructive addictions be diminutized over obesity because it’s so obvious; however each of the below listed addictions are just as destructive. Addiction is addiction is addiction. Let’s take an in depth look at some of the other types of addictions that are considerably less taboo. I’ll go over each of them too.
· Alcoholics
· Mia & Ana
· Net Addiction
But I’m getting ahead of myself, as I so love to do….let’s continue on with me and my addiction, Obesity, and let’s have some fun with the subject, because why else would you bother to read it?
Some of you may not be able to identify with the anger that this portrays but for 64% of Americans this is their day to day life. We are not talking about 10 pounds here and there, but morbid obesity, where the person affected is 40% fatty tissue. Just now people are starting to get in line and “look” at it: our Pink Elephant in the corner, so to speak. The American Medical Association has recognized that there is an alarmingly increased risk to Americans over the years, noting that even casket’s have had to be enlarged. When you ask most obese persons if they had the opportunity to have the bariatric surgery (gastrointestinal) most would say: “I would rather die than be fat.” But the sad fact remains that some do. They die from complications leaving behind families grieving in their wake. They die on the surgical table that day because of issues from blood pressure or clotting, things no one could have seen, or even after surgery an embolism; just when you think you’re out of the woods. I was going to have Bariatric Surgery. My father, a pharmacist, pleaded me to think about the long road not 3 years down from now, which is what every one kept showing me, but the 50 year one. What was going to happen to me? Relatively the gastric bypass patients of today are the ones that will tell us what will happen to those in geriatric times and to be honest, I’m not sure I’m willing to risk that if I’ve made it that long. I want a functioning intestine esophagus, and stomach. I give kudos to those who are doing it though, you are in fact medical miracles, and your bravery is a testament all to itself. We are all still what we were, sisters and brothers, and we need to be united against this disease.
Society itself is all to ready to let other destructive addictions be diminutized over obesity because it’s so obvious; however each of the below listed addictions are just as destructive. Addiction is addiction is addiction. Let’s take an in depth look at some of the other types of addictions that are considerably less taboo. I’ll go over each of them too.
· Alcoholics
· Mia & Ana
· Net Addiction
But I’m getting ahead of myself, as I so love to do….let’s continue on with me and my addiction, Obesity, and let’s have some fun with the subject, because why else would you bother to read it?
Like Father, Like Child…..
I’ve always been a big girl, but to be honest I never noticed it as much until I was in kindergarten when my dad brought it up at dinner one night: “Do you really need to eat that, honey?” he said as I reached for some macaroni salad that mom had made that day. I can recall that I liked the salad, but she always put Velveeta cheese cubes in it, and I always picked them out because I hate Velveeta cheese. To this day my memory shows me hesitating and pulling back, hurt because he had never said anything like that before. It wasn’t until I was much older that I found out my dad had been a fat kid as a child as well. His story was achingly similar to mine. He once told me that he had had kids throw rocks at him and called him: “fatty, fatty, 2 by 4,”as they chased him home from school. He went home that very night and told his mom: “I’m tired of being fat; I’m going to lose weight.” He said with his lower lip stuck out stubbornly. My grandma can recall this story so well. “And he did” she says. “I didn’t believe he would though,” she says, “I thought that this would just be like all the other times, but he did it.” At the tender age of 11 and 104 lbs my dad went to the town doctor with my grandma and tipped the scales and became obsessive about weight loss. I can still recall his biggest victory; it used to echo in my head as I ate a doughnut. “I hollowed out Pickles, filling them up with Ketchup and that’s what I did to lose weight.” I used to think to myself who could ever do that to themselves? How can a person eat for one: ketchup, for two: just keep eating it until they were thin, and finally for three: How would I EVER MEASURE UP to this person who had lost all of this weight and had proven such willpower- what kind of weakling was I? I don’t think I ever came to terms with this until late in my 20’s when I realize that there was no way in god’s green pasture that I would ever be able to be as incredibly insane about weight as my father was. He was always single-minded when it came to drive and ambition, whereas, I wondered where mine was. I wish I could be like him, but it makes me sad, sometimes, that he doesn’t realize he’s become the bully that chased him and threw rocks. Maybe he felt good about the fact he was the “skinny” one in our family or maybe he just felt ashamed of all of us. It would be hard to tell. He’s always been willing to help us lose weight but it took him many years before he learned how to let it be out choice and not his will bending us to his desire for us to lose it. I grew up sometimes thinking he didn’t love me and that hurt so much, and now I know he was just scared that my weight would kill me and that he didn’t want anybody to make fun of me like he’d been made fun of.
My mother , like my father,was always there for me and has been all her life. I don’t think I would have been able to deal with my father’s obsessive “disorder in the house mentality” had it not have been for her. All of us in my family have had weight loss problems, none of which have been as extreme as I. She would hold me when I cried, and tell me not to worry, he was just having a bad day-she knew how I felt. I knew she did because she always was telling us how fat she was. We always felt this way, when I say we, I mean my brother, sister, mother, and I. I assume my father equally insecure, but maybe I’m wrong about all of that. My mother always made things funny. She’s bright and fun like sunshine and Cartoons on a Saturday Morning. She taught compassion, enlightenment and while driving in a car one must swerve in the gravel road just for fun.
My mother , like my father,was always there for me and has been all her life. I don’t think I would have been able to deal with my father’s obsessive “disorder in the house mentality” had it not have been for her. All of us in my family have had weight loss problems, none of which have been as extreme as I. She would hold me when I cried, and tell me not to worry, he was just having a bad day-she knew how I felt. I knew she did because she always was telling us how fat she was. We always felt this way, when I say we, I mean my brother, sister, mother, and I. I assume my father equally insecure, but maybe I’m wrong about all of that. My mother always made things funny. She’s bright and fun like sunshine and Cartoons on a Saturday Morning. She taught compassion, enlightenment and while driving in a car one must swerve in the gravel road just for fun.
*****First post*******
MY COMMENTARY : looking back, my father was a part of this fight with fat. He is no longer the bully, but more supportive in my struggle to lose weight than then. I needed to write this in 2004 simply to get it out and look at my feelings in black and white. However it doens't stand to what I was taught and that is to "honor thy mother and father". I dishonored him by my thoughts and anger, and for that I am sorry.
Medical breakthru's have prompted a second look at the disease of Obesity. Bariatric surgery was in it's infancy in 2004. Lap Banding had just been opened to the public. Gastric bypass Celebrity Advocate Carnie Wilson had just televised her surgury to help other suffer's with obesity. Dying to be thin was now possible with the the drugs Phentermine and Effedra. For the seriously obese being thin was now not just attainable, but a reality.....if you had he right insurance and money.
Not much has changed now except for the public's acceptance of the disease. People understand more but still hate the same; but that will never change. We just had a Lousiana Justice refuse to marry an interacial couple due to concern of the possiblity of offspring that MAY or MAY NOT have issues.
There is still an underlying part of this blog which rings true. That is the feelings of worth and self confidence or lack there of due to feeling inadequate, the inability to have self discipline and how weak this made us. Perception of how others feel is also part of the Heavy burden of weight. Employers would rather have an attractive sales person than a "sloppy" looking one.
We are making strides to combat this illness. I hope that as the holiday seasons come upon those that are struggling we learn to stop the feelings of self abuse and enjoy what we have in front of us right now. Family & Friends that love us regardless of size. To not become a social wallflower due to the clothing we have available to wear. Have a good time, be conscious of what we can do to combat it and make decisions without fear of retribution both near and far of your tablescape.
Love to you from the corner of Crass and Stupidity....
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